Photo by Becka Payauys Photography
As I write this I am reclined in my snuggly armchair, trying to type over the top of my baby finally sleeping on my chest. I hear the bumping footsteps of my almost 3 year old upstairs, emptying the contents of his closet during what is supposed to be rest time. There’s 45 other things that I could convince myself I should be doing right now, but today I’m choosing to share this moment and the things the Lord is showing me in it.
This week has been hard. Judah (almost 3 yrs) has been so upset the past few days. He’s been inconsolable really. The littlest things will trigger him. I know he’s processing a lot of strong emotions and trying to grapple with the reality of having a new brother, but it doesn’t make it any less hard for all of us to navigate. Zion (3 mo) is still waking 6-10 times a night. Sometimes I think the laundry will eat me alive. It’s such a sweet season, but recently it’s felt like the demands keep flooding in faster than I can bail the ship. I’ve been praying a lot.
Today, the sun broke through the storm for a few hours. Judah and I worshipped with a children’s worship album that always makes me cry. We did puzzles. Zion batted a ball hanging on his activity gym. We danced for Jesus. Judah sang and beat his drums. He laughed with me and we spun around with scarves. When he bumped his toe, I asked if he was okay. He said, “Jesus is healing me.” He prayed for it and we carried on, but my spirit took notice.
It felt like the clouds parted long enough for me to glimpse what was happening above the swirl of fatigue and “three-nager” emotions down here. I had a moment of clarity.
The conversation about what revival looks like is one that has fascinated me for years and continues to hold my attention. If you’ve hungered for a move of God, you’ve probably heard the stories of the fruit of revival-- emotional, spiritual and physical healing, cultural transformation, racial and relational reconciliation, the tangible power of God, the manifestation of His Presence. It’s stunning and I’m captivated by it. I’ll give my life to see a generation receive it and learn to walk in what Jesus paid for on the cross. You’ve also probably heard people say that revival is family. That family is what was always in God’s heart and therefore revival restores and creates family.
I believe that with all my heart. But what struck me today is just how MESSY family is. And if I’m not careful, I might only see the mess and miss the “revival” taking place right in front of me. My son is GETTING IT. We worship in the living room and then on Sundays, he shouts “WE LOVE YOU JESUS!” every time the music dips down. When he stubs his toe, he tells me Jesus is healing it. He says sorry for the things he does wrong on his own accord. God is getting ahold of his heart! On their own, those statements make it sound like it’s all going great. And we are doing well. But the reality is that just yesterday, he was crying and yelling for quite literally most of the day and the day before that, everything I said was an opportunity for him to discover his free will, if you catch my drift. The reality is that I’m tired. Even now as I write, his rest time is becoming a joke, no matter how many times I tell him that he only has to stay in his room until his night light turns orange.
But guys, he’s getting it! He’s getting the things that really matter. And I am doing my darndest to partner with God but it really is God teaching him. And what I realized today is that the fruit of the Spirit in my own heart keeps my vision clear, so when these glory moments come, I can see them. If I am wallowing in self pity, survival mentalities, complaining, or other nasty qualities, then I could have (and probably have before) missed it. But as I’ve been cultivating thankfulness in everything, prayer continually, and rejoicing always, I’ve seen the fruit of patience and peace grow in my heart. And today, I had the clarity of vision to be able to see the work God is doing in my son’s sweet little heart.
15 See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.
Hebrews 12:15
21 When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,
22 I was senseless and ignorant…16 When I tried to understand all this,
it troubled me deeply
17 till I entered the sanctuary of God;
then I understood…Psalm 73:21-22, 16-17
Good, healthy fruits and vegetables have the nutrients your body needs to function the way it was created to. In the natural, they enable your body’s systems to digest properly, provide energy, rid the body of toxins and promote health and wellness. They enable the natural body to function at its fullest potential. I wonder if in a similar way, the fruit of the Spirit does that in our spiritual inner man as well as in the corporate body of believers. If the fruits of the Spirit are growing and healthy within us, fed by intimacy with Jesus and connection to the Vine, then bitterness, pride, envy (all those gross things that inhibit our ability to connect with God see what He’s doing) don’t have a chance to stick around.
Annnd real life-- gotta pause while I try to save rest time…
Back. Nap time *maybe* saved.
This morning, my vision was clear and my container was clean so I was able to see the thing God was doing. I was able to engage with it and thank God for it. But what also struck me is that I think this paradigm is also true of the corporate body of believers, the family of God. What is true of my interaction with my physical children may also be true of our leadership of spiritual sons and daughters— those entrusted to our care.
Revival is family. So what if the spiritual children God has given us are metaphorically stubbing their toes and saying ‘God will heal me’ and we can’t see the move of God taking place because of the junk clouding our vision? Do we jump in and reprimand them for not being careful? Or can we see that they are beginning to believe God is their healer. What about when they are encountering God but the circumstances are messy and imperfect and they metaphorically (or literally) spent the entire day before whining and crying about things that don’t make sense to us? Are we so uncomfortable with mess that we obsess with the packaging without remembering to celebrate the content? There’s a time for instruction. Even for rebuke. But we need to take our cues from the best Father, Teacher and Friend whose kindness leads us to repentance. Who convicts us of our righteousness in order that we might shed our unhelpful beliefs and behaviors. I was challenged today to look past any of the “mess” of the process and see the revival that even now is beginning to take place. I wonder if the more we celebrate what God is doing, the more we will start to see Him do.
I believe we’ve only barely begun to touch the hem of his garment. Can you imagine what it will be like to be wrapped up in it? There’s so much more and He’s bringing an awakening in our generation like we’ve never seen before. But let’s let Him teach us to look at it all with the eyes of a mother or father. Then when God brings more and more spiritual children into His family, toddlers who stub their toes dancing in worship, we won’t first reprimand them for spinning. We won’t feel threatened by how their behavior reflects on us. We will see them in all their mess and process like Jesus sees them and we will welcome them home.
They will soon learn wisdom, as we are still learning. Maturity will come. God is a good Father and will be faithful to initiate their growth as He has been faithful to lead us in ours. But as they grow, let’s keep our vision clear by cultivating the fruit of the Spirit so we can first celebrate their desire to worship and love for His presence. Let’s look for their hearts as I know God does. Let’s see in the Spirit and not regard anyone according to the flesh. Then we will be set up to see the moments where God is breaking in and partner with Him to love the ones he has entrusted to our care, be they actual toddlers or spiritual ones :).
Blessings! Love, Sarah